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What does Commitment mean to you? . . . here's a great
solution - the story!
During our wedding
ceremony, the minister reminded us how easy it is to be excited about being
married as you make plans and get married surrounded by family and friends.
Retaining that enthusiasm, he warned, would take a conscious commitment to stay
married to each other every day for the rest of your lives.
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Following the
reception, Jimmy hung over the bathroom sink throwing up the effects of too
many beers with tequila chasers. I was fuming. Cleaning vomit out of a sink was
far from my image of marital bliss. But when Mike asked, "Do you still
pick me?" it simplified things and put them in perspective. We laughed
like idiots and began a new tradition.
Since that first
day, we have picked each other every morning. We also reaffirm our love by
picking each other every time we have a disagreement. And when one of us has
been nasty, is feeling intimidated or emotionally undermined, or has
disappointed the other, we ask, "Do you still pick me?"
“Do you still pick
me” has such deep meaning.
It may be difficult to face the issues that you and your spouse are
struggling with, but research suggests that couples that are able to stick it
out and stay together usually end up happier down the road than couples who
divorce.
It may be surprising to learn that most couples who go from unhappy
to happy in their marriages do not get help from outside experts such as
marriage therapists. Sometimes
the problem has to do more with circumstances outside the marriage that place
stress on a relationship—for instance, a job loss or the death of a family
member or a health problem—and eventually the stress goes away.
Many couples go through struggles, fights, problems, and issues,
and almost reach the brink of breakup or divorce. Yet they love each other and
don’t want to give up on their relationship. They would much rather find
a way to get back together and stay together. This is a good thing – it’s good
to keep trying to make love work.
But how do you get back together so that you can save your relationship or marriage? Here are the steps a couple must engage in to get back together and stay together successfully. You will also find actions each partner should take individually to survive while the relationship is being repaired.
Do this together to
get back together and save your relationship or marriage:
1. Commit
to the relationship - decide
that you are in fact going to get what you want in your relationship. The
question to ask is not if you are going to get what you want, but when, and how
you are going to get more of what you want so that both of you are happy.
Commitment is the part of the relationship that provides safety and
security, so couples can express their thoughts, feelings, and desires openly.
When they’re committed, they have the confidence that they’ll make it through
the day-to-day challenges and life’s stressors that can tear a marriage apart.
2. Figure
out what went wrong in your relationship or marriage - It does your relationship
absolutely no good to point fingers at each other. And it is a disservice to
your relationship if only one of you is willing to own the blame or
responsibility for what happened. Both of you must come to the table equally
willing to own everything you have contributed to the current state of your
relationship.
Work on yourselves - These
are the most critical steps you can take to succeed in getting back together
and staying that way:
Ø Work on the issues
and personality traits that got you and your relationship into trouble. Take the personality tests!
Ø
Work on these issues wholeheartedly, because if you don’t, you will
lose the relationship.
Ø
Do everything in your power to turn your issues around.
Ø
Together, read all the helpful books you can get your hands on.
Ø
Take classes and attend groups together.
Ø
Get yourselves a coach or therapist.
Ø
Take significant action daily to show each other you care and value
each other and your relationship.
Ø
Deal with the pain the two of you caused each other
- When ready, each of you needs to talk about the pain caused by the
other, with each person listening intently and taking it in. You both need to
share the pain, listen to each other and find a way to truly forgive and start
anew.
Ø
Take action to cure what led to your breakup or the
distance between you - You must take many actions to specifically cure,
fix, change, shift and transform the behavior and thinking patterns that
brought you two to the brink of a breakup. Commitment keeps couples
together and is a cornerstone of marriage. We wouldn't think of
leaving our children as a solution to our problems with them, right?
Ø
Create joyful moments together, even if they start out
small - Spend snippets of time together, just being close. Bring back – or
increase – physical intimacy, even if it feels a bit awkward.
Ø
At the same time, do not throw yourselves back into the thick of
the relationship until the hard personal work has been done by both of you.
How to do it?
- § So how do you make getting back together stick, so that the two of you save your relationship or marriage? - Put in time and effort and grow both of yourselves and the relationship.§ Take real, concrete steps to fix and change specifically the problems that brought you to the breakup or separation.§ Sometimes you will need to get knowledgeable, expert help with resolving the conflict between the two of you. Every partner in a healthy relationship must invest intentional effort, including skill-building. Commitment may be considered a relationship skill because the abilities necessary to make and keep commitments must be learned, practiced, and refined just like those for effective couple communication.§ Be patient with each other and commit yourselves to personal growth.
Only then, after all
your work, will the words "I Still Pick You" have even more meaning!
Down the long trail
he awaits me,
at the other end I
stand feeling free.
Soon my life will no
longer be mine,
it will then soon be
with him intertwined.
Are two heads always
better then one,
I keep on thinking
is it going to be fun
a smile or a frown
which should I use,
as I ponder on the
color of my shoes
Everyone rushing and
running around,
looking to help me
find the right gown.
Having to decide
who's to be invited there,
matching the party
up into pairs.
Reception is hard to
many for seating,
cash is to low not
much for drinking or eating.
The time has come,
the music begun,
down the aisle I go
thinking should I run.
As I get closer
there he stands,
waiting for me with
his open hands.
My heart beats
faster as I get near,
his smile, his eye,
chasing away my fears.
When I'm almost by
his side,
I wonder if
my life's to die.
Then I silence
my doubting thoughts as I pass the last pew,
When he looks
over at me and whispers I LOVE YOU.
Oh yeah! Thanks for the inspiration Margo Rating: 9 out of 10
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